Niki's Journal 

Sept. 10, 2005 ~

Joseph's b'day is coming up.  It's hard to celebrate his b'day when I can't celebrate yours.  I have a meeting with one of the ladies in charge here at the hospital about starting the grief support group.  I look forward to trying to help others but at the same time I will have to face your death over and over again.  I want to work on a memorial garden in the side yard for you.  I hope to get it started this next spring. 
Well, Dear Ashley, that's it for today.  You know I will be thinking of you always.                         

                                  Mommy

Aug. 27, 2005

I know I haven't written in a while.  We've been trying to have another child and I've been working so...    I know that's no excuse but honestly, I hadn't had anything to say.  I went through a brief period of being so angry.  Now I'm trying to stay busy with other things.  Trying to get my program up and running here at the ER, I have been made Co-owner of a Native American group, and trying to have another baby has kept me sane.  My birthday is coming up and I don't really want to even celebrate.  I'm trying to get up stuff for Joseph's birthday but sometimes it's so hard to do anything.  That's all for now.

June 17, 2005

Has it really been 7 years already?  Gosh time flies...  Your little brother, Joseph is growing so fast!  We are trying for baby #3.  I had heard once that when a baby dies, their soul waits to be born again.  I feel certain you are not born into Joseph... Maybe you will be born into the next baby.  I am trying to start up a support group for bereaved parents.  I feel so inspired by your short tragic life.  Thank you for allowing us to be a part of it.  Well, that's all for now angel. 

                                                       Mommy

June 19, 2005

I have gotten a sticker to go on the back window of my SUV that says "Proud Family of an Angel".  I also have a car magnet on it.  I really like them.  I got them from an www.October15.com website.  I wonder what you would have looked like today if you had lived.  I wonder how things would have been different if you had been born healthy.  So many questions...

Your father and I got into an argument last night but everything seems to be okay.  I love him so much.  He is my best friend.  It is sad for him today on Father's Day to not have you to wish him a happy father's day.  I hope you are watching over him and all of us from above

Well, my angel, that's all for now.  Know that I love you and am always thinking of you.  See you in Heaven,

                                                 Mommy